You Don't Have to Do It ALL
Writing has always been a big outlet for me. There's a reason my initial college major was journalism. I've contemplated a blog for some time now, and today I felt the urge to write, so here we go... :)
If you would have told me 10 years ago I would be a work at home mom, owning and running my own clothing boutique, I would have laughed in your face. For literally all the reasons. Motherhood was never a for sure want for me. Staying home was never on my radar. And owning a clothing boutique? Yeah, nope.
But as many of us know all too well, plans rarely ever work out the way we think. Life happened. I met a man who changed my mind about the possibility of being a wife and starting a family, and brought me back to small town North Dakota living. And with that, there are so many things I'm grateful for in our little life.
Running a Business + Motherhood + Housewife
Although it came later in life than my other passions, I'm so grateful for the opportunities that presented itself to get started in selling clothes to beautiful women of all sizes from all over the country. It is such an awesome feeling to help women find things that make them feel confident and beautiful.
If you know me, you probably know I deal with depression. Finding this passion and building this business has been a type of therapy for me dealing with it. I took a leap and launched a new venture in my business in July of this year branching out on my own as an independent boutique. It's been incredible and I have no doubts it was the right move for me, but I'd be lying if I said it was all easy peasy.
I'm a sole proprietor. I have no partner. At this point I don't feel the need nor desire to hire an assistant or workers. I like doing things as I know it's done the way I want ;) But it's A LOT. I alone have a long list of tasks. I find and curate products I hope and think my clients will love. I take and track inventory. There's all the book work and financial tracking that is involved. Packaging and shipping. Finding ways to create sales through my website and Facebook platforms. Updating and monitoring my website. Customer service. Advertising. Just to name a few. Again, I really do love what I do. I’m not trying to complain at all. But it is a lot. No day is ever the same, which I like, but it comes with it's challenges too.
Then there's motherhood. I will be the first to admit to the fact I did NOT enjoy being pregnant. I didn't have an "easy" pregnancy by any means, and my labor and delivery didn't go perfectly which lead to a rougher and longer recovery than I was hoping for. But, as most moms would agree with, I would go through it all again 100 times for my little man. I love him more than I ever knew possible. Being able to stay home with him while continuing to contribute to our family has been such a joy and blessing.
I was able to breast feed for a little over a year and was very grateful for that as well. But I will admit it was HARD and so time consuming. Not to mention, it took until I stopped to really start to feel mostly like myself again. Hormones, man, they're weird. And again, it really does take a lot of TIME.
But the momming 24/7 didn't stop when breastfeeding ended. Graham was overall a very chill baby. He ate well, slept well for the most part (and still does) but, we're getting to that toddler stage! He is busy, crazy, and wild and loves to make messes and scream and play, and I LOVE IT. But it doesn't mean it's always easy.
Once I felt like I was really back to ME, I felt myself feeling the weight of all the things that weren't getting done around the house. The dishes were still not done. The clean laundry still hadn't been put away. The piles of both were getting out of hand. Vacuuming, dusting, mowing the lawn/shoveling... Yeah, I felt like I couldn't keep up. I felt down on myself. Cue those creeping depression symptoms and feelings of feeling like I was failing at EVERYTHING.
Is it okay to ask for help?
Some of you may be thinking, you have a husband, right? Where is he to help? And he does help around the house some. But he's a busy guy. He works a full time job and if you know him, you know he is involved in a lot of side gigs and has a hard time saying no to volunteering his time. I love his giving heart to our community, but it is really stressful sometimes to feel the weight of everything else.
To make matters more stressful, we aren't from here. Neither of us have family here so we aren't able to rely on family help unless it's something we can and have planned well in advance. We have been blessed to find some awesome sitters here that we LOVE! But I would be lying if I said I didn't get a little jealous when I heard others say, "Oh, they're with grandma," as I haul my little (amazing) monster around with me everywhere.
So to summarize up to this point, running a growing business, by myself, where I have no concrete set hours and some days feel like I'm working from when I wake to when I go to sleep (yes I know I need to set some boundaries for myself, I'm working on that ;) ), plus trying to be a full time mom, and keep the house in tip top shape was killing me.
I felt like I needed help, but I felt guilty for asking for it and even feeling that way. I felt like I should be able to do it all. You get to work FROM HOME! How lucky are you??! Stop complaining and run that business smoothly, get all those dishes done and don't forget to take some time to play trucks with Graham! Oh yeah, and shower and eat and things like that too.
I did a drop in daycare afternoon the end of August for the first time as I had a dentist appointment and didn't really have any other options. I was so pleased to hear it went well overall, and it just seemed right for my opportunity to ask for a little help.
I asked if she would be willing to take Graham even just 2 mornings a week. 8-10 hours. She agreed almost immediately and in response to reading her message, found myself in happy, grateful, relieved tears. It felt so good to allow myself to ask for that help and to have it answered so willingly. I was so grateful to find awesome help that I knew I could trust and count on. It was something I don't know if I knew how much I needed until I asked. It has been an absolute godsend for my sanity. AND, I feel like it's such a great thing for Graham too to get some time away from me and get some time interacting with other kids.
I'm getting better knowing I don't have to do it all even if it's something I have to remind myself often. Mom guilt is real, and I hate feeling like I'm failing as either a business owner, mom, or wife on any given day. I know there are people who have a much fuller plate than me and I commend you. But I also do my best to not compare and judge what others can handle or not handle.
So what's my point with this mammoth of a post? I'm not really sure, lol. It was something I just felt I needed to write and get off my chest. And if it strikes a cord with anyone else who feels like they're trying to do all the things too, sometimes just a little reminder you aren't alone is nice to hear!
<3 Mandi